Good Night, New York, I Love You

How a funny nightly ritual turned into something much deeper

Every night, as I close the shades to my bedroom window, I look towards the New York skyline, and say, “Good night, New York, I love you.” (Yes, I actually do this. Every night. Keeps me grateful.)

It started out as a bit. I jokingly told my friends, “Well, I don’t have a partner to say it to, so I say it to New York: my longest standing relationship.”

I originally had an idea to write a memoir about living and dating in New York City. It first came to me in 2018, after some really funny (and what seemed like, unique) dating experiences. My friends would say, “You have to write these stories down! Who else would this happen to?” I laughed and agreed and kept saying I would. 

In reality, though, I was capturing the stories in writing sporadically, or jotting down ideas and topics and outlines without ever fleshing out the juicy stuff: the experiences themselves. Something was really holding me back. Well, a few things actually – for one, I was a teacher, and I didn’t feel confident that I could publish writing about dating and keep a semblance of professionalism. Carrie Bradshaw I am not, and I couldn’t stomach the idea of people (strangers!) reading about my love life. 

For years, I went back and forth, from getting excited about the idea, to then convincing myself it wasn’t prudent nor was it needed. I kept thinking, “Tons of people write about their dating experiences, and even more people share their dating experiences on social media.” I convinced myself that my perspective was redundant, unoriginal, and unnecessary. And I therefore kept myself blocked from writing. 

As the years went on, I seemed to outgrow this idea that writing about dating was the story I wanted to tell. I heard Chani Nicholas say once on her podcast, “Sometimes ideas are only ours temporarily. Sometimes we pick them up, try them on, and then have to set them back down again, releasing them back into the world for someone else to pick up.” Her words resonated with me deeply, particularly as it pertained to my writing. I gave myself permission to put down the idea of writing about dating. Even still, I had to allow myself to let it go without feeling guilty that I wasn’t acting on it. 

Fast forward a few years, and I have quit my teaching career in lieu of more creative pursuits. As I left teaching behind, I realized how much of my identity I had wrapped up in my career as an educator. When I resigned in June of 2023 and began working with a startup, it occurred to me that I had stifled certain parts of my personality to become more palatable to the education system. Since then, I feel like I’ve been on a journey to extricate my identity from teaching. Moreover, I feel like my career is “in flux” as I figure out what my next steps are. 

My therapist suggested that perhaps I’m entering a phase of my career where my identity is not so wrapped up in my job. I agree with her. And I also think this idea of identity and career is not so simple. My good friend and mentor, Rita J. King, responded to my thoughts on extricating my identity from my career with, “So in a sense you are trying to identify yourself as a person who does not define yourself by the work you do.” 

Well, yes. But also: “work” does not necessarily mean career or job. Oftentimes, we treat them as interchangeable terms. But what if what I’m really talking about when I say “work” is passion? In that case, yes, I do want to be defined (in part) by my passions. Or what if I decided, “Okay, I don’t mind being labeled by the work that I do, because it represents my passion.” The trouble, then, is that I am multi-faceted. I could not possibly only be defined by one thing or one passion. 

All of this dialogue has me thinking: perhaps identity, work, and change are the topics I’m meant to explore right now through writing. My working title for my memoir about dating was, “Good Night, New York, I love you.” I can’t bear to part with it, because it still represents an important piece of who I am and my personal development. While at first, it was a joke with myself regarding my love life, it’s turned into something much more meaningful.

My love for New York lies in my journey here. I’m entering my tenth year living in this city. I feel above all else that New York has helped transform me into who I am authentically and who I am meant to be. And for that, I will continue saying, “Good night, New York, I love you.” 

Join me on my journey as I grapple with identity, transformation, passion, and change. We’ll be sure to think deeply and laugh a lot. 

– JM