Sisterhood
A Love Letter to My (Biological) Sisters
I’ve been thinking a lot about love in the past few weeks, as we near Valentine’s Day this Friday. I happened upon a request for proposals for a “Love Grant” from the Greater Good Science Center at Berkeley last week. It made me consider what I might have to contribute to the conversation around love in the media (more to come on that), and it’s made love top of mind during a time of the year where it’s really, really in our faces.
When I learned about the Love Grant, I was on a trip with my oldest sister and her family to Disney World. She has three kids, all four and under, with the youngest being just four months old, and she asked if I could join them on their trip to help with the kids. I didn’t hesitate at all; I was thrilled to go and super grateful to have the flexibility to take the time off to be with them.
I’m happy to report, from the tail end of the week, that the trip exceeded my expectations. I love being an Aunt, and getting to spend so much time with my nieces and my nephew felt like a gift – not to mention getting to experience their child-like wonder and joy at Disney World firsthand. We visited every park, rode every kiddie ride, met characters and princesses, and even had time to play in the pool between it all.
Before the trip, I told my sister, laughing, “You know, I’ve never been to Disney World without you.” My parents took us twice when we were growing up, and then my sister and I went with two of my best (and longest-lasting) friends back in 2017. Going with her again this year felt exactly right – right where I needed to be.
I started thinking about sisterhood while I was on this trip with her. I truly believe that having sisters is one of the greatest blessings of my life. Did I always feel this way? I certainly haven’t always been able to articulate it. But being the youngest of three girls always felt extremely special.
I call us the “Neapolitan Sisters” because we’re like Neapolitan ice cream: Chocolate (my oldest sister is brunette), Vanilla (my middle sister is blonde), and Strawberry (and I’m a redhead). We’re also fairly close in age, with only four years between me and my oldest sister. Of course, we weren’t always peachy keen with each other. Being so close in age, we quarreled and had friction growing up (and even in adulthood, too). But the older we get, the closer we become, which feels like a divine gift.
The truth is, my sisters and I are all very different from each other. We’ve each chosen quite different life paths, and yet we’ve managed to come together in our adult lives, minimizing our differences in favor of maximizing our time together. I don’t mean to paint a perfect picture here – our family is not without its flaws or imperfections. We’re only human. But when I stop to think about who plays an important role in my life, my sisters are at the top of the list.
Many things have impacted my view of sisterhood, my parents’ relationship with their own siblings being one of them. My mom’s only sister died suddenly when I was eight. I was too young then to realize how tragic it was for her to lose her only sibling, but the older I get, the harder it is for me to fathom her experience. It’s one of the big reasons why I prioritize my sisters in my adult life, despite the 1000 physical miles between us.
Research tells us that positive sibling relationships lead to greater empathy, prosocial behavior, and even greater academic achievement. There’s still much to be studied and discovered in the field of sibling relationships, but one piece of research I found fascinating is that sister-sister relationships tend to be closer than other sibling relationships. Researchers hypothesize that’s due to the socialization of girls and women to better express their emotions, which is tied to less conflict. Regardless of gender, though, we know that positive sibling relationships support young people in learning to navigate other social relationships as they move through life.
At one point during our trip to Disney, my sister and I were laughing at her two oldest bickering, as young siblings do. We directed the oldest away from her little brother, and I said to my sister, “Aww, being the oldest child is a hard job.” Now, I know birth order stereotypes are just stereotypes, and we can’t treat them like a horoscope. But I do want to acknowledge for my older sisters that I appreciate their role as older siblings – because it seems like there are countless things I learned from them or braved to do myself simply because I saw them do it first.
My life might look very different from theirs, but I’m not sure I would be where I am today without their influence. I often joke that the youngest child doesn’t get more than their older siblings because they are the favorite; instead, the youngest child gets more because they know exactly what they can ask for – based on watching their older siblings. And in my case, I always pushed a bit further than what I saw my sisters do before me. Just by existing and living their lives, they paved pathways for me that I’m not sure I would have otherwise realized were possible.
Besides my mom, my sisters are my most dialed numbers in my phone. They are a crucial part of my support system. They are my longest-lasting relationships, besides my relationships with my parents. They might drive me crazy sometimes, but I wouldn’t trade them for the world.
As teens, my middle sister and I treated Valentine’s Day as our special holiday. We were each others’ first valentines, and this year, for the first time in a long time, we’ll all be together on Valentine’s Day. I can’t think of a more perfect way to spend the holiday that celebrates love.
Siblings or not, may we all experience the deep love and support of sisterhood in our lives.
- JM